Monday, June 30, 2008

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!

Good news is in and official...John got a job! A good one, I might add. He will be working at the Target Dist. Center. This is a huge answer to our prayers, after many months of searching and applying. He will start on July 7th! We have found a house to rent and will start working on it this week and hope to move in next week.
We both are a little anxious and nervous because we thought it would NEVER happen. But, like I have said, God is good, and it did happen. Thanks to those of you who have been praying for this. We are going to meet John's parents this weekend in N. Georgia. It will be a nice vacation and good to see them.
I hope everyone has a great 4th of July.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Dr. Appt.

Yesterday was a routine dr. appt. I was very anxious to talk to my regular dr. about everything. When she came in the room, she shocked me by asking what dr. Boddy has said, because she hadn't received the paperwork yet (it has been 2 weeks). I gave her a quick recap and told her how upset I was. I told her that we were praying that Brecken would be healed since we didn't know what was for sure wrong, if anything. I asked if we could just do another ultrasound in her office and she said that was fine. They will be able to tell if there has been any change and like always monitor her and my fluid. She also told me that there were not any cyst on the kidneys. Usually, she said you can see them while in the womb. I love my dr. and I think she believes it is nothing and will work itself out. So, I will go back at my next regular visit and an ultrasound. I felt so much better after leaving the dr. yesterday.

I really want to thank everyone who has been praying for us. I have been amazed at the comments and emails concerning Brecken. I, along with everyone else, believe that she will be fine. I have my moments and as soon as I do, I just push them out and say a prayer. Last night in church a passage was read from Lamentations 3. When I read it, I thought, how appropriate. Verse 24 says "The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I will hope in him." I am trying to put ALL my hope in God. I believe that Brecken will be healed. I just had to get over the inital shock of believe there could be something wrong. Now, I am just praying everyday that she is 100% complete from head to toe!
It is easy to get discouraged, but I feel like there is no point right now. I know nothing for sure, other than God loves us and he will hear our prayers. There are hundreds of people praying for Brecken everyday! So, if you are praying for Brecken, please, please, please don't stop!
1 Samuel 1:27 - " For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him."
God is so good, and I hope to have more good news to share in the next few days. (it is about John)

Friday, June 20, 2008

Beach Bums '08

The beach was wonderful! Not to mention, very relaxing. Our group consisted of, myself, Kayden, GG, Granny, Aunt Cindy, Kristin and Augusta. We left on Sunday afternoon and got home last night.
I love going to the gulf. The water, sand, weather and atmosphere is perfect! We spend every morning on the beach, then went in for lunch. Granny and Kayden usually stayed inside but the rest of us were right back on the beach. That was really my time to relax. I read my books and just enjoyed the peacefulness. Kayden loved the water. She would spend an hour at a time just riding a float or just floating in the water with her armies on. It would get her laughing when the waves would splash us. I loved seeing her face light up. She is so much fun.
I had a lot of time to think about everything and when you are sitting in the midst of God's amazing masterpiece, you can't help but think about the things he is capable of.
As always, we laughed a lot. It is just fun being with these ladies/girls because I love them all so much. Two of the most memorable moments were...when Kayden called Augusta's boogie board a booger (b/c we sometimes call boogers, boogies) and when we had to explain to a member of the family the purpose of a variety box of tampons was for...she shall remain nameless!
It was such a good time. Next year we will be adding at least two more...babies!

I am going to save some for my next post, but I want everyone to know how touched I was to see and read all the comments, prayers and support for Brecken. I was in awe last night when I read everything. Thank you so much for making our family a part of your lives and spreading the word to pray for Brecken. God is good!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

At the Beach

This is Terri (Melissa's cool sister) writing. Melissa, along with Kayden, GG, Granny, Aunt Cindy, Kristin, and Augusta are at the beach this week. They should be heading back home tomorrow. I just talked to Melis and she said they are having a good time and Kayden is LOVING the water! I know she has her ups and downs but she sounded good.

She wanted me to let everyone know about our plan. I wanted to get everyone possible to pray every day at 10:20 (eastern time - that's twice a day). Melissa is due on 10-20-08 so I thought this would be fitting. It will not hurt to pray all the time but this can give you a specific time to remember and also gives Melissa and John a time when they KNOW that there are many out there praying for them and for Brecken. Please pray specifically for Brecken's kidneys to be whole and healthy - along with Melissa's physical health and the emotional and spiritual health of the whole family.

I really appreciate all of the comments and prayers. Thanks for checking in.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Praying for the Best, but Fearing the Worst...

****Disclaimer- Before you read on, please understand that I love God, have never blamed him for anything, and know he is all powerful. I understand and know that my life could be much worse than it is. I know there are those out there who are in more pain than me. BUT, I am angry and sad and so if you are going to be judgemental about how I feel right now, please keep it to yourself. I don't mean to be rude, but just a warning, so you can stop reading now.***

The dr. appt yesterday did NOT go well. I can't begin to describe my feelings while waiting on the dr. to come in to look at the ultrasound. The tech took over 150 pictures...yes, that lasted about 1 hr 15 min. I didnn't care, I wanted her to be thorough. She was very talkative and John and I carried on like we usually do. She of course told us inthe beginning, she could not tell us what she saw...we explained, we have been here before, we know.
When she finally got finished, I could sense that something was wrong. She knew our history and I could tell in the way she looked at me when she left, she wanted to cry for me. I told John I thought it was not going to be good, he just kept saying, it will be fine.

A few minutes after she left, Dr. Boddy came in. He sat down and reviewed the pictures on the screen and pulled up the kidney pictures. He told us what it should look like and then told us what Breckens looked like. They are more pronounced than they should be, and filled with fluid. He said it could be a few things:
1. That her kidneys are weird looking and always will be but they will function just fine.
2. That something is wrong with them and they will start to fail. Not sure what, but for sure wrong.
3. That she has polycystic kidney disease (yea, try to say that fast). He talked a lot about this one and I feel sure this is what he feels it is.
The main point doesn't look good. De ja vu all over again.
As of now, they are functioning. Brecken is producing urine, so they are working. Unfortunately, there is no way to tell how well. He recommended we come back in 8-10 weeks for another scan to check up on the kidneys. Dr. Boddy is very to the point. He wanted us to know everything so we could be prepared. He said, we could come back and they could be failing/or shutting down. Or could have shut down. There is no way to do anything while she is inside me. And, there is nothing they can do for a year after she is born. I have briefly looked this up on the head is spinning and I can't even read a word yet.
He did tell us that they have to work properly for a year for us to be able to do anything...dialysis or get on the transplant list. So, bottom line...we wait for each ultrasound to tell us if her kidneys are still going strong and we wait till she is born. (That is all I know about the disease, so I can't answer any questions right now.)

Feel free to stop reading here...
I just don't understand! We are good, Christian people who have always loved God and put him first. I have been praying for a healthy child since before Brecken was conceived and now I am begging him to let her be healthy and live. I know that the Bible tells us we should believe in what we pray for and have faith that God will give it to us...WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE I BEEN DOING WRONG!
Right now I am shocked so I can't help but to think about the worst case. I DONT"T want to think about it, I want to be one of those strong Christians who just make the best out of eveyrthing. Our life has been turned upside down so many times and I am so mad right now.
I believe in the power of prayer and I have seen the results from the lives of a few of my close friends recently. I have prayed for everyone I know that is having a baby that they don't have to go through what I did last year. No one should have to. And, I will NEVER stop praying that Brecken will be healthy. I just can't see past the thought that I could lose her at anytime. I will gladly accept a disease or syndrome or condition...But please God dont' make me deal with death again. Before yesterday, due to too many things that are personal to mention, John and I were really close to hitting rock bottom. Yesterday afternoon about 5:00 pm, we hit it hard. It felt like just another blow to the heart and we just don't know how to deal with it. I want to pray and have faith that God will heal those little kidneys or at least make it possible for her to live a normal life for a while and in NO pain. But I can't get the feeling in the back of my stomach about what "could" happen to go away. And, I am afraid if I think it, it will happen.
You have prayed for us before, and I feel like I am always the needy one coming to my friends and family with more requests, but...please get on your knees and beg God to heal my little girl. And ask anyone else who you know is a prayer warrior to do the same. I will not give up on her. The next few months will be really hard, and it is different from last year. We knew there was no changing Janey. But I want to have hope that this will turn out to be nothing. I want to hold my daughter in my arms and take her home with me. I want Kayden to have a little sister and I want to watch them grow up together. I want to rock her and kiss her and love her like I know I can. I want this little girl so much and I need her. We all need her and this is the only thing I can do for now.
I love all of you. And, would love to talk...just not now. I just want some time to let it all sink in. Thanks for the privacy and prayers. (If you have questions, you can post on Terri's blog and she will relay anything you want to know. She has probably researched every website, book, magazine and interviewed every dr. in AR by now. She is a trooper like that!)

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Long time, no post...

I know you are all on the edge of your seats waiting for a new post, but honestly, there isn't much going on. We have been busy with VBS, babysitting for a friend, going to the pool, etc. You know, the normal ho hum of the summer. We still have a busy week/weekend ahead, so we are all looking forward to Sunday. Along with Father's Day, it is also the day we leave for our "Family Girls Beach Trip", and I can't wait! We went last year and this year we are adding two to our trip.
I don't have any pictures but I will put some up on Friday. Please keep our family in your prayers over the next few days...there are some things that could really be good for us. Also, tomorrow is my dr. appt. with the specialist. We have to go to Macon (2 1/2 hours away), so I am dreading the drive and then more waiting there. Oh well, I just want to make sure everything is ok. I am nervous, but I just pray that this little girl is healthy.
And, I don't think I mentioned it yet, but my cousin who is due earlier in Oct. is having a girl too! We are so excited! Kristin is more like a sister to me, so it is very special that our girls will be about the same age.
Ok, enough rambling...thanks in advance for the prayers.