Sunday, August 26, 2007

Baby Janey

I have put together a slideshow of some of my favorite pictures. These represent the memories we have of Janey that will last forever. I want to share them with you because I want you to know how such a tiny little girl can have such a huge impact on our lives. I hope you enjoy. If you are just tunning in, see the story on the previous post to understand.


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Janey's story

It has been over two weeks since my baby Janey was born. It is hard to believe sometimes. I have been planning for almost two weeks what I wanted to write on here. I know there are those who weren't able to be here for her birth so I feel like they might want to know some of the special things that happened during that short time. And this is also for me to record my feelings and share them.
My first disclaimer is this...Janey was not born a healthy, physically complete baby girl. If you don't know what a baby with Anencephaly looks like, she will look different. Beautiful, but different. I was prepared and had no surprises.
Second disclaimer...you might cry reading some of this. I will too, so we will be in this together.
And lastly...I am doing really good. Acutally, better than I expected to be doing at this point. If you wonder why, this is what I feel...I have had 4 months to get ready for that day. I started grieving and mourning for Janey on April 19th. The past 4 months have been such an emotional rollercoaster. Now, I can say, I feel at peace. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I just cry, alot! But most of my days so far have been filled with family and friends and John and Kayden. They are my lifeline, and what keeps me going each day.
Ooops, one more, this will be very long!
With all that said, here is Janey's story...

On Wednesday, Aug. 8th, we went to church like normal. I started feeling some contractions about 4, but chalked it up to nothing. We ate at church and they started getting more intense. I was upset and really didn't know if it was labor or not. So, me being the person that I am had to be convinced by 4 others to go and just let the hospital tell me if I was in labor. I felt silly, and was reassured that everyone has done it at some point.
So, John and I headed off to the hospital. After being admitted, they had to call for me a wheelchair. I mean honestly, I walked my happy tail in there, I can make it to the elevator. But, whatever! I was weighed (never fun), and put into a room and hooked up to the monitors. Well, they tried to hook me up. I had so much amniotic fluid, it was hard for them to track Janey's heartrate. It was there, no denying it. She would push out on my tummy and it looked like the movie aliens. They nurses were even impressed. I felt like I should be in a carnival.
My contractions continued and they gave me medicine for the pain...It was wonderful! I just drifted off into my happy place and went to sleep. Poor John, tried to sleep on a wooden bench the size of a toilet. I was not in labor, no dialating, but still contractions. They kept me overnight and in the morning they planned to let me go home. My doctor, who I love so much, checked me and was sending me home. I was glad and disappointed. I was so ready for Janey to be here and also ready to be not uncomfortable. After she left they started up again, and after much discussion, she told us it was our decision what we wanted to do then. I was 34 weeks, so she could deliver Janey. There was no telling when I might go into labor. Could be an hour, could be 5 days!
I prayed the week before that God would relieve me of the pain, in everyway. So, with God's guidance, we chose to go ahead. Then Dr. said, we need to do it now, there is an opening in the O.R. So, we immediately got on our phones and started calling. All the while, I was being prepared for surgery. When I say prepped, I mean stripped naked, Catheterized (sorry, too much info. there) and some other details I will leave out. In 15 min, I was in the OR. I was given a spinal (hallelujah!!!!) and John was brought in. We held hands and cried, or at least I did. Once I was numb, and I mean good and numb, they started with Janey's delivery. I was very nervous and so glad John was there. I felt them drain all the fluid and felt like they had taken out about 100 lbs. I tried to get them to suck some fat from my hips and butt, but they said they couldn't. Party-poopers!
They brought Janey out and covered her in a blanket. She had a heartbeat, but never took a breath. Her eyes were wide and open. She weighed 2 lbs 15 oz. she was beautiful! One of my good friends was the head nurse and so while i was being stitched up Trenda took Janey to be cleaned up and dressed. A local group of ladies makes dresses and blankets for babies there and they dressed her in a beautiful smocked pink dress with a croched hat and booties. She was so pretty. Her skin color was really pretty and she just layed there and looked at us.
John and I had a few minutes with her and my uncle who takes pictures was there to take some of us. Then we brought kayden in and she held Janey too. She liked to pat her, and touch her hands. She wasn't scared at all and we have some sweet pictures of them. After we had some family time, my parents, granny, aunts and uncles came in. Everyone enjoyed being with Janey and holding her. We had a few friends at the hospital also, and they were allowed to come in for a short time.
About 10:15 am on August 9th, Janey went to be with God. We were so blessed to be able to spend that short but wonderful time with her. We were allowed to keep her in the room with us all day. After I was taken to a room, I was loaded with pain medicine which knocked me out for a while. John went to rest and shower and my mom stayed with me. Janey laid in my arms most of the time I slept. We had more visitors through the day and they too were able to hold her. We waited until my sister and John's parents arrived that night before we let the nursery take her from the room. Everyone left about 9:30 and John and I spent time with Janey and in prayer. We asked the nurse to come get her and they informed the funeral home.
It was hard to let her go, but like I said before, this was a huge relief to me. You may ask, how I could feel that way about my daughter, so this is how...Janey is not going to live as a vegetable, or in pain. I believe with all my heart she is pure and whole and a normal little girl running around up there with the angels. I know God is taking care of her. She will never know pain, evil, suffering or this crazy world we live in today. I will see her one day again, and I have something extra to strive for on my path to heaven. I miss my little girl, and I know times willl be hard. But, I have comfort in knowing, that she is ok now. I never prepared to bring her home and always knew that she was going to see her Heavenly Father.
I went home on Sat. morning. It was very bittersweet to leave. I was happy to go home, but very sad that I wasn't leaving with my baby girl. It was a hard day, but I got through it.
John is such a good husband and father and had a lot of the funeral details taken care of for me. He has been so strong and supportive, I know God put such a strong man in my life for that specific reason.
Thanks to our parents and brothers and sisters, Kayden was taken care of a spoiled a little! On Monday, we had Janey's service. We had a viewing at the funeral home for family only. John had picked out a dress for her a long time ago and she was buried in that. It was peach with a bonnet. We went in first and spent a few minutes. She lookes so peaceful and quiet. It actually helped me to see her then. I knew she was fine and I would be too.
Most of our family saw her too. We had a graveside service only. Janey was buried beside my Granny's parents. Just two more angels looking out for her. There were beautiful flowers surrounding her. So many people came to support us and we will never be able to thank all of them. The service was very short, but very memorable.
When the car arrived carrying Janey, John got up from his seat and went to the car. He carried her casket back and placed her on the pedestal. I don't think there will ever be a more sweet picture in my mind of John. I know it was hard for him, but he wanted to do it.
The preacher talked to about David when he lost his son and the verse in the Bible that was the center of his talk was where David says, His son would not return, but David would go to him. And that is the way we feel. Our grieving will continue for a while, but we know we have the assurance of an eternal home with God and Janey.
Our church prepared a huge meal for everyone after the service. It was so great. The tables were lined with pink roses and there was enough food to feed an army. We were able to spend some time with family and friends before most people left town.
I will never forget that day and all the love we felt surrounding us.
My sister stayed with us for the next week and it was great to have her at the house with me all day. She was such a big help with Kayden and I miss her being there.
I can't thank everyone personally because there is not enough room on the internet. We have been blessed by so many family members and friends to help us out in so many ways. I love my family. I have the best in the world. We have received cards, phone calls, visits, flowers, plants, food, money and all the support you can imagine. Thank you to everyone who had even a small part in helping us through this tough time.

Each day is a new day for us. I don't ever know how it will go, but I know that I can always sit down and pray and have a good cry and God will grant me the strenth that I need. I HAVE to be ok. I have a husband and a daughter who count on me everyday!
I bought a picture yesterday, and it sums up my feelings for Janey.
This is what it said...A mother holds her childs hand for a short time, but their heart forever.

I love you Janey and miss you so much.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Pottytraining

Well, I have entered into a land where I have no idea what I'm doing. We began Kayden's potty training today. It's about time for her since she tells us when to change her. It is also a good thing to keep me busy. The success was as follows today: 2 pee-pees in the potty, 1 poo-poo in the potty, and 4 wet accidents. The accidents aren't that bad since she's wearing rubber pants over her big girl panties.

Overall, today was a success because she told me she loved me tonight, even after making her sit on the toilet every 30 minutes today for sometimes 10 minutes at a time. Melissa got her staples out today and is doing very well. Physically she is leaps and bounds past she was with Kayden. She has already been ordering me around :) . She has also been in good spirits. It seems a little easier to me after the service on Monday. We got to see Janey before the funeral and she looked so peaceful. It was so good to see her again and Melissa and I agreed that she really looked good. There were quite a few people at the service and at the meal afterward. It was encouraging to see Melissa and John and their strength.

We've had so much food and help around the house. Everyone from church and the schools and family has helped take care of so much.

Melissa and I were laying on her bed tonight with Kayden before she went to bed and Kayden got to laughing which made us laugh until we hurt. I got it on video but I can't upload it here so it will have to be after I get back to Arkansas. Sorry I don't have any more pictures. Hopefully I will be able to add some later this week. Keep praying.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Another Day

Today has been pretty good for all of us I think. It was nice to see everyone at church. This afternoon, Melissa went and found a dress for tomorrow and I took a nap with Kayden. I sang her to sleep, although for some reason she was crying until I stopped singing ... Interesting. Most of the family ate at Melissa's for lunch and dinner. It is storming right now outside. I don't have much to update but I wanted to post anyway. I will post more tomorrow or Tuesday. oh yeah, the pottytraining of the Kayden will begin Tuesday morning. Pray for us.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Home and Pictures

Melissa went home today. I put some pictures on my blog. It's the Terri link on the right. Thanks for the prayers --keep them coming. I was right. Everyone is invited to the meal afterwards on Monday. John's brother, sister, and their spouses got here today. There will be more traveling in tomorrow and monday. Please pray for all of their travels to be safe.

It's hard to write much that means anything. So many people have been kind to my family and it is deeply appreciated.

Kayden is really loving all of the attention. It's hard NOT to pay attention to a kid that cute, and smart, and gifted, and just plain wonderful.

Thanks for checking this...I know Melissa will be able to check her comments in a few days or so (when she is ready) but truthfully I am selfish and it has helped me to read all of your comments every morning and evening so thanks.

Janey

There will be a graveside service for Janey on Monday at 11:00 a.m. at the Copeland Cemetery. A meal will follow at Airport (I think). Carson McLane is doing the funeral.

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes. Melissa will hopefully come home today. She is doing really well and is inspiring to all of us. Keep praying. I'm heading up to the hospital right now to hang out with Melis.

-Terri (Melissa's sister)

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Janey Made her Entrance

Melissa went to the hospital last night because she was in pain. It turns out she was dehydrated so they kept her overnight. This morning the pain came back and was just too much for her to go home so they delivered Janey this morning by c-section at 9:15 a.m. She weighed 2 lbs. 15 oz. even though she felt a lot heavier than that. Most of her weight was in her feet (that she got from John). She lived an hour while John and Melissa got to spend time with her. Melissa was on the least amount of pain meds so she wasn't in a fog during those first moments with Janey. Only later did she let them knock her out. John came out and got Kayden to hold her baby sister and then the whole family was allowed to hold her and eventually, friends were let in too. Melissa was in really good spirits. I got here about 8:00 this evening and held Janey for a good part of an hour at least. John's parents made it here just after 9:00 and got to hold Janey too. We took plenty of pictures but I have no way to upload them right now. Janey had a bonnet on the whole time and although she looked like she has anencephaly, she was beautiful! Her skin was really soft and was nice and pink for a while. She didn't ever cry but her heart beat like every baby's does.

John was spending the night at the hospital with Melissa tonight and Kayden was going to stay with Grandmomma and PawPaw (John's parents) at the base tonight. Melissa should be able to go home on saturday.

The funeral will be on Monday (graveside) at the Copeland Cemetery. We don't know the specifics yet. Carson-McLane is doing the funeral.

Please keep all of us in your prayers. Thanks.
-Terri (Melissa's sister)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Home Sweet Home

I finally got the chance to take some pictures of our new house. Keep in mind, we have a lot to get unpacked and put up. It is a work in progress, but I figured I would need something to keep me occupied after this month.
The outside was not our favorite. It has cedar siding, and pink doors and shutters. I am a pink lover, but NOT on my house. That will be pained a green color as soon as I buy the paint!
I love the inside. It is so comfy and it is just what we need. I tell John everynight, I love my house. Hope you enjoy!

Trip around the world (ok, just the east)

Monday, August 06, 2007

I'm BAAAACK!

I know, it has been forever. We finally got our phone line working, so now I can get on the internet. I was going crazy! I plan on uploading my pics tomorrow, so I will have a very long post then. So, stay tuned. I know some of you (Terri) are chomping at the bit for me to post pics, so I will do it as soon as I can tomorrow.
BTW, I am getting larger everyday. I don't mean just gaining weight because I am pregnant, I mean I think my fluid increases daily. I don't go to the doctor until next week, and I am afraid of how big I might be. I am super uncomfortable and I have switched vehicles with my mom because it hurts to get in and out of my car and she has a tahoe. Janey is swimming in a ton of water!
Ok, I will blog more tomorrow.